Anshita Gupta

Anshita gupta

Are you struggling to make your child listen to you? Do you want them to listen to you, respect you and behave better? Here are some of the steps to make them listen better!

6 Steps to Get Kids to Listen effectively are-

1. Be present

When you need your child’s attention, make sure you get his/her  attention–that means eye contact. When you lower yourself down and look him/ her in the eye, you not only verify he/ she sees and hears you, but you strengthen the communication as well.

2. Avoid using the “Don’t” word

Don’t touch your brother. Don’t run in the hall. Don’t play with your food. Don’t read the next sentence. Negative commands, such as “don’t” and “no” require kids to double process. Kids have to answer two questions:

1) What does she NOT want me to do?

2) What does she want me to do instead?

That’s confusing and contradictory. For example, if you say “Don’t touch your brother,” a child has to stop the current behavior AND determine the appropriate alternative behavior–If I can’t touch him, does that mean I can’t hug him? Can I give him a high five? 

Instead, tell your child what to DO.

Instead of “Don’t touch your brother,” try “Use gentle touches when touching your brother” or “Your brother doesn’t want to be touched right now, so please keep your hands folded while we are watching the movie.”

Instead of “Don’t leave your toys all over the floor,” try “Please put your toys in the toy box.”

3. Refrain to say the “NO” word often

Think about it for a moment. What is your normal, knee-jerk reaction to the 10,000 requests you get from your child every day? “NO,” right?

When you’re bombarded with requests, it’s difficult to throw them in a meaningful way, so you just deny, and reply, “NO”, “Naah”, “Nada”, “Nope”, “We will do this some other day”!

But when “no” is your constant go-to answer, it’s no wonder kids stop listening to YOUR requests! Look for reasons to say yes more often. Your “yes” answers will begin to surprise and delight your child and have them paying more attention when you ask for something!

Instead of “No, you can’t have ice cream” try “Ice cream is delicious! Would you like to have it for dessert on Saturday or Sunday evening?”

While there will still be situations that require a hard “NO”,  by offering more “yeses” you’ll increase the chances your kid will tune you back in.

4. Be specific

Parents, and especially moms, tend to turn a five-second answer into a five-minute dissertation! When trying to get your kid’s attention, be as concise as possible and they won’t even have time to tune you out! 

5. Be grateful

Help your kids make an appropriate choice by showing them gratitude beforehand. Your preemptive “Thank you for clearing up the toys,” will encourage your kids toward good behavior much more than, “I better not see your toys on the floor!”

People, and yes, even children, will usually live up to our expectations if we manage them in a positive way. Letting them know, in advance, that you trust them to do the right thing will cultivate open communication lines and increase the likelihood the task will get completed.

6. Modify your conversation

If you see a task that’s been left undone, don’t dive in with a big reprimand,  just make an OBSERVATION: “I see your homework incomplete,” or you can ask, “What is your plan for completing your homework today ?”  

“What is your plan for?” is one of the right strategies to avoid power struggles. It’s empowering because it’s assumptive on your part that they have a plan–and gives your child an opportunity to save face and quickly come up with a plan in the moment if they didn’t already have one!

Oh yeah! I was planning on completing my homework  after I finished my lunch.”  This gives you the chance to put a positive parenting empowerment spin on the whole conversation !